


when the spring comes (i’ll let you go)

by daffodilscent



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Hanahaki Disease, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung Are Best Friends, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung is Whipped, M/M, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, One-Sided Attraction, Time Skips, doyoung has a self realisation, i got really sad writing this, im sorry btw, jaehyun cries doyoung cries everyone cries, kinda happy ending at the end?, overall just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daffodilscent/pseuds/daffodilscent
Summary: “i’m so sorry. fuck, i’m so sorry.”doyoung smiles and rests his hand on the younger’s face. “it’s okay. i’m okay. so let me go now.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	when the spring comes (i’ll let you go)

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo sorry if its a bit rusty i havent written in a while T___T

doyoung keeps a lot of secrets.

even if his best friend– jaehyun offered to help, he’d politely reject, say no and keep it to himself. that was just the way doyoung had always been since he was little. he knew it was bad to bottle everything up inside but he felt as if it would be better for everyone if he could just keep his problems to himself, especially while knowing that everyone equally has problems of their own.

thus, it goes without saying that doyoung even keeps his crushes away from jaehyun. he’d let the younger know a bit about them but that was always just it. jaehyun could never get doyoung to tell him more.

maybe it was because doyoung didn’t trust jaehyun enough– at least, that’s what jaehyun thinks. or maybe it’s because of the fact that the true person that doyoung was always so smitten about, is jeong jaehyun himself.

growing up, doyoung and jaehyun were always stuck to each other’s hips despite the fact that jaehyun was younger. after jaehyun moved in to the house opposite from doyoung and showed up on his doorstep with a toothy smile and dimples popping out, they’d been best friends ever since. doyoung would protect jaehyun as an older brother and jaehyun would do the same.

at the age of 16, jaehyun got into his first relationship. doyoung was happy for him, congratulated him yet he couldn’t shake off the deep feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. he had told his other friend– taeyong but he deemed taeyong’s advice as stupid. _“i don’t know doyoung, maybe you like him.” “me? liking jaehyun? no. there’s no way. he’s my best friend.”_ doyoung had brushed it off, pushing it to the back of his mind so he would never think about it. he forced that feeling down and tried his best to be the supportive best friend that he could be for jaehyun.

at the age of 18, jaehyun came out to doyoung as bisexual. it was a tough choice for him– and doyoung, being an older person who had already came out a year before– tried his absolute best to be there for jaehyun. doyoung couldn’t shake off the weird feeling of happiness he had.

at the age of 19, doyoung finally admitted to liking jaehyun.

when doyoung _regretfully_ told taeyong, taeyong had laughed. telling him _”i told you so! even the way you look at him is obvious.”_ doyoung had rolled his eyes, smacked taeyong on the back of his head, earning him a _”ow! what was that for?”_ yet doyoung couldn’t stop thinking about what taeyong had said. was he really that obvious? 

taeyong had asked doyoung to confess multiple times, telling him that _”there’s no way he doesn’t like you. he just has to realise it. trust me doie, the boy likes you. you just need to confess.”_. doyoung had always thought it was bullshit. he saw the way jaehyun looked at him and the way he looked at all his past lovers. it wasn’t the same. if anything, jaehyun just saw doyoung as an older brother he could always rely on– which pained doyoung even more.

doyoung was content with loving jaehyun from afar. he had gotten into a few minor relationships to try and take his mind off the younger but it never worked. so, he had settled with just loving jaehyun from afar. for doyoung, seeing jaehyun happy already made him happy.

at age 21, doyoung got diagnosed with hanahaki disease.

it was uncommon. doyoung had read up on it before. 1 in 10 people had it, which was why doyoung never thought he would get it. sure, he loved jaehyun. but surely not to the point that he would cough up flower petals, would he?

it started like this. doyoung had gone out with taeyong, jaehyun and jaehyun’s new boyfriend, johnny. it hurt doyoung to see jaehyun being so close with johnny and it hurt even more seeing taeyong throw him pitiful glances from the side every once in a while during the entirety of their lunch. it wasn’t like doyoung was a child, he could handle himself.

as the day went on, doyoung kept feeling a strong pain in his chest. he brushed it off as nothing, but it kept getting worse. at one point during lunch, he felt something scratching at his throat. suddenly having the feeling to puke, doyoung excused himself and ran to the toilet.

“doyoung? are you okay?”

doyoung looked at jaehyun and could merely nod before running to the toilet. jaehyun immediately stood up to go after him, but taeyong beat him to it, telling him to stay with his boyfriend.

doyoung couldn’t stop coughing once he reached the bathroom stall, feeling something stuck in his throat. he thought he had choked on something while eating yet got surprised when he coughed the thing out and looked down to his hand, only to find white flower petals.

his hands started shaking as he leaned onto the wall, staring at the flower petals he had in his hand. a realisation came to him.

“no.. there’s no way. i’m okay. there’s no way.”

he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and blurring his vision as he stared at the petals longer. the only thing running through his mind was _jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun_. his trance of thought got cut off when he heard the bathroom door open.

doyoung looked up tearfully to see taeyong wide-eyed, staring at both the boy and the flower petals in his hand. doyoung couldn’t help but painfully smile as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“taeyong..”

when he got home, doyoung had instantly gone for a shower, trying to clear off his thoughts about the flower petals that were buried deep in his jeans pocket. doyoung always thought the disease was a lie, he thought it was impossible that flowers and roots could grow in one’s lungs just from not being loved back let alone having it happen to him yet the events of earlier kept replaying in his head. 

doyoung had started crying in the bathroom stall when he saw taeyong and taeyong couldn’t do anything but hold doyoung close and tell him that everything was going to be okay. the pair had left earlier, apologising to jaehyun and johnny for having to leave on such short notice. doyoung couldn’t forget the worried look he saw on jaehyun’s face. taeyong had brought doyoung home, trying to calm him down and telling him he would call later at night before leaving.

doyoung used his free time before taeyong called to research more on the disease and what it could do to a person. knowing the fact that it could _kill_ him made doyoung afraid, terrified even. he couldn’t help tearing up as he looked at the white flower petals sitting on his desk. and for the first time in his entire life, doyoung painfully wished jaehyun had loved him back.

as jaehyun’s relationship with johnny prospered even more, doyoung started to cough up more flower petals of different colours. it had started with yellow, then orange. lately, it had turned into a soft pink.

“doyoung, you have to do something about it. see a doctor, please.” taeyong had urged.

doyoung just smiled and nodded, staring at the mess of pink flower petals on his bathroom floor.

doyoung did eventually go to see the doctor. “it’s getting worse. sooner or later, the colour will get darker and the roots will start to grow longer in your lungs. you have to do something about it soon.” all doyoung could do was nod.

doyoung loved jaehyun. doyoung _loves_ jaehyun. loved him enough to not tell him what was going on. loved him enough to not worry him about the fact that doyoung was dying just because the younger didn’t love him back. loved him enough to cough up flower petals more frequently every time he had to see jaehyun together with johnny.

thus, when jaehyun came over to his house one night along with taeyong and johnny, smiling from dimple to dimple, doyoung knew something was wrong.

“doyoung!! i have something to tell you.”

doyoung smiled, sitting down beside jaehyun who was awfully cheery and happy. “i know. what is it, jae?”

jaehyun couldn’t help but sheepishly smile, lifting up his ring finger only for doyoung to see a metal band around it. doyoung became wide-eyed as a sharp pain shot through his chest. “johnny proposed!”

taeyong had the same reaction as doyoung as he looked back and forth between the two lovers. johnny smiled proudly and showed off his ring too, “i did. i’ve been thinking about it for a long time and i just knew i was ready.” 

doyoung felt his head spin. he felt the flowers growing in his throat, he felt suffocated, as if his lungs were being choked. he felt his eyes becoming teary. all doyoung could do was muster up a smile.

“doyoung.. what’s wrong? are you okay? you look pale?” 

doyoung looked up to jaehyun, who had a concerned look on his face. he smiled, “i’m happy for you, jaehyun. i really, truly am.” jaehyun’s smile was all it took for doyoung to cough and run to the bathroom, spilling over the toilet as he coughed up the most petals he’s ever had.

“doyoung?”

taeyong forced jaehyun down as he ran after him, bursting the door open as he saw doyoung kneeled over the toilet, coughing up bright red petals. “doyoung.. the colour..”

“jaehyun didn’t follow you, right?” the sight was sickening. doyoung sitting on the cold bathroom floor, surrounded by stained petals and flowers surrounding them in a pool of their own blood. the flowers were bright red which was the worst of them all. and yet all doyoung could do was worry about jaehyun. “is that all you can think about right now? you’re dying doyoung, for fuck’s sakes! please think about yourself for once.”

doyoung chuckled, looking at his hand as he held up the petals. “darn you, hanahaki disease.” he curses, tears threatening to fall. he felt his head hurt and his vision go white as jaehyun and johnny burst through the door.

both of them were wide-eyed, staring at doyoung on the floor. “doyoung..” jaehyun had already started crying, seeing his best friend lay limp on the floor being surrounded by bloody flower petals. “i-i’ll call an ambulance.” johnny stuttered, rushing out. taeyong couldn’t help but feel pure anger as he saw jaehyun, holding him by the collar.

“this is all because of you, jeong jaehyun. this is all because you.”

jaehyun stopped, looking at taeyong straight in the eye. “what?”

“for fuck’s sakes, he loves you. he loves you so fucking much he’s willing to die for you to be happy.”

that was the last thing doyoung heard before fainting.

doyoung had always believed in true love, in soulmates– whether it be platonic or romantic. he liked to believe that him and jaehyun were soulmates, it didn’t matter which of the two they were, but he just knew that they were destined to meet and stay by each other’s sides for a long time. when doyoung first met jaehyun at such a young age, he didn’t quite like the boy. he thought he was too obnoxiously happy with the dimples and all. but as time flew by, he became to appreciate the presence of the younger one by his side. when they were both 10 and the two had ventured off onto their own “adventure” which was just them under the covers in their treehouse, jaehyun had turned to look at doyoung and he smiled. “doyoung, promise me that you’ll never leave my side.” and doyoung had promised.

he thinks that’s when he started loving jaehyun, even before truly knowing what love was. he felt a sense of need to protect and care for the younger, always making sure he was happy. even if it pained doyoung. even if it killed him.

doyoung always thought the phrase, _”love can kill.”_ was bullshit. but seeing jaehyun, loving jaehyun, maybe that was when he realised what the phrase had really meant. he always thought that people sacrificing their happiness for the ones they love were stupid yet as he watched jaehyun grow up all this years, he knew what it meant. he knew why people did what they did for the ones they love. and it hurt him even more.

after doyoung got diagnosed with hanahaki, he found himself wishing more and more that the younger would love him back. he found himself wanting to be the one jaehyun snuggled up to after a long day, he wanted to be the one holding hands with jaehyun as they walked down the park, he wanted to be the one going on ice cream and amusement park dates with jaehyun and see him smile, he wanted to be the one watching jaehyun walk down the aisle, he wanted to be the one to wake up next to him every day and be proud to call him his. he found himself wanting so bad for it that it killed him even faster than he thought it would. love was cruel– but doyoung thinks that life could be even more cruel at times.

as he regained consciousness and found himself in a hospital bed with jaehyun asleep next to him, he knew it had happened. he knew it was coming one day, that doyoung would be too careless and that jaehyun would find out about his disease. he caught a glimpse of jaehyun’s tear stricken face. he didn’t want jaehyun to find out like this though.

he smiled, sucked in the tears threatening to fall and poked jaehyun to wake him up. he knew he was dying anyways. he knew he was on his deathbed. doyoung didn’t want to regret anything before going. jaehyun stirred awake and jumped when he realised doyoung had waken up. instantly, jaehyun had started crying as he held doyoung’s hands.

“why didn’t you tell me? why didn’t you tell me that you loved me earlier? this wouldn’t have happened if you had told me.”

doyoung smiled. “nothing would have changed even if i told you, jaehyun.”

“everything could change. you wouldn’t be laying down here on the verge of death if you just told me. i could’ve loved you back. it’s so easy to love you, doyoung. i could’ve.”

he coughed. doyoung felt his heart sting. “but you don’t, jaehyun. you don’t love me and it’s okay. i never expected you to.”

jaehyun couldn’t stop crying and doyoung didn’t know how to make him feel better. he hated seeing the younger cry. he always had. “give me time. i’ll end it with johnny. i’ll love you back, doyoung. so just give me time.”

doyoung shook his head and chuckled. “as nice as that sounds, don’t do it. i know how much you love johnny. why would you break his heart to save me?”

“he’ll understand. i know he will. you’re my best friend. you’re my soulmate, doyoung. i can’t lose you. what am i going to do if i lose you?”

“you’ll be fine. you’re so strong even when we were kids. if anything, i think i need you more than you need me.” doyoung laughed. “so don’t end it with him, okay?”

jaehyun looked down and doyoung felt jaehyun’s grip on his hand tighten. “then get the surgery. just remove the roots. please.”

“i won’t.”

“why? why not? your life is more important than me, doyoung. please just get the surgery.”

“look at me, jaehyun.” doyoung painfully smiled. “i don’t regret loving you. even as i was coughing up even more petals day by day. even if i knew i was going to die, even as i watched you with other people, i don’t regret loving you. you’re one of the best things to have ever entered my life. sometimes, i wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t knocked on my door that day. but now i think it was fate that you did. it’s okay if you don’t love me back in the way that i want you to. i was always just happy with loving you from afar, jaehyun. everyone dies anyway. i’m just going a bit earlier. so, don’t be sad. promise me to be happy with johnny, alright? don’t cry when you think of me after i’m gone.”

jaehyun looks down, tears fully running down his cheeks.

“i’m so sorry. fuck, i’m so sorry.”

doyoung smiles and rests his hand on the younger’s face. “it’s okay. i’m okay. so let me go now.”

jaehyun nods, holding onto doyoung’s hand as tightly as the younger possibly can. “in our next lives, if we meet again, will you give me a chance?”

jaehyun cries, nodding. “i’ll give you all the chances in the world, doyoung.” 

the younger stands up, pressing a gentle kiss to doyoung’s forehead. “goodbye, doyoung.”

and for the last time, doyoung smiles. “goodbye, jaehyun.” and he whispers under his breath, “i love you. be happy.”

the last thing he sees is jaehyun smiling with tears running down his cheeks, and his vision goes black.

“doyoung! can you please cover my shift? just for 10 minutes, i promise!”

doyoung grunts, rolling his eyes. “you lazy bum, one more time i have to cover for you so you can meet your boyfriend, i will chop your head off taeyong.”

the boy– taeyong– laughs and pats doyoung’s back. “got it, mr grumpy! thank you!”

doyoung stands at the register for the entirety of taeyong’s shift, taking orders, making coffee and silently cursing taeyong under his breath.

“excuse me?”

doyoung looks up only to find the most beautiful man he’s ever seen (objectively) standing in front of him. doyoung goes wide-eyed and the man has to clear his throat for doyoung to get back to his senses. “i’m so sorry. you’re just really handsome– oh fuck, what am i saying? i’m sorry. what would you like to order?”

the man chuckles and doyoung finds himself wanting to hear the man’s laugh even more. “just a normal iced americano please.”

doyoung smiles. “sure. sorry for earlier, i don’t know what came over me. just forget it, i’m stupid–“

doyoung is cut off by the man as he smiles and doyoung realises _fuck, he has dimples._

“you’re cute. can i get your number?”

doyoung’s mouth hangs open. “what?”

“oh sorry, where are my manners? i should introduce myself first. i’m jaehyun. jeong jaehyun.”

the man extends a hand towards doyoung, and all he can do is stare at him wide-eyed before clearing his throat and hastily wiping his hands on his apron. doyoung takes the man’s hand and shakes it, smiling.

“i’m doyoung. kim doyoung.”

**Author's Note:**

> i really like reading hanahaki disease concept fics so i thought i’d write up a small angsty hanahaki fic of dojae :] also in case it confuses anyone, the last bit is in a different setting, basically a whole new life. its a bit bad but i hope u liked it hehe pls leave a kudos/comment! it’d be really appreciated 🥺


End file.
